Ancient Scroll Prophecy

January 26, 2019

Behold! A message from our Lord! a Warning of Reckoning!

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Discovered in 1978 in Romania by our beloved Dr.Douglas, this ancient illuminated manuscript contains what is undeniably a message about our final days of judgment. Dr.Douglas dedicated years of his life to the study of this scroll, translating its ancient language and deciphering its message. It has been understood that the scroll predicts the possible end of the world brought on by the upcoming Super Bowl.

According to translation, the scroll predicts a highly publicized competition between a group of men and a group of horned beasts, or rams, in the year 2019. Here at the Church of the Light, we have been waiting patiently for years for an answer about what this event could be. With the announcement of the two teams competing in this year's Super Bowl, we knew we had received an answer. 

The scroll explains that should the group of men win the battle, the world shall fall to apocalyptic destruction. Should the horned creatures prevail, we will be spared by God's mercy. Essentially, If the New England Patriots win, the world as well know it will end. There is hope though, should the Los Angeles Rams win, all of God's children will be spared.

We believe it is God's will that our congregation has been entrusted with the message of this scroll. It is our duty to spread the word of this ancient prophecy and to save the souls of those who seek God's light. We urge you to join us in prayer for the success of the Los Angeles Rams. Donate to our congregation and we will perform a specialized prayer ritual in your name to insure the deliverance of your soul as well as the victory of our saviors, the Rams. 

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